More Unbelievable SkyMall Merch

You might remember my post last summer about how SkyMall had turned my weird air travel ritual from interesting to bizarre. The gist of it was that the SkyMall catalog, which used to be filled with arguably desirable luxury goods geared toward conspicuous consumption, is now filled with items you can’t imagine someone actually purchasing. (Remember carlashes? Ah, good times.)

Well, I’m traveling again this summer and see that SkyMall has presented us with some new options, in case we have so much money we’ve grown bored with setting it on fire and need some other way to waste it.

The usual complement of luxury watch display cases and of weight loss and hair growth miracles are still there, of course. And they now offer a stress-relieving head massager from Gadget Universe which resembles a store-bought-Hallowe’en-costume-quality-looking version of a helmet that’s part Norse mythology and part Tron.

Somawave Helmet
You should see this when it’s on someone’s head.

The Somawave Helmet is “like having thousands of tiny fingers stimulate your scalp,” apparently, and should not be used while operating heavy machinery, due to its “euphoria inducing waves” which may produce “trance-like states of consciousness.”  Can’t wait for that.

If you have a squirrel fetish — and there’s a phrase I never thought I would write — you can celebrate it with the Squirrel Throw Blanket and Pillow from Wireless.  I think the pictures of these speak for themselves.

Okay, this one might almost be kind of cute.
Okay, this one might almost be kind of cute.

 

But not this one.
But not this one.

You can also order a shirt which announces, “I have reason to believe the squirrels are mocking me.” Perhaps they are. Perhaps it’s because of the resin Mounted Squirrel Head hanging in your den.

resin mounted squirrel

I have never understood the fascination with giant t-shirts (in and of themselves something I won’t be posting about for Fashion Fridays) printed with someone else’s body. And by “someone else,” I actually mean a cartoon caricature of a Barbie doll. What On Earth now offers shirts which profess to the world that you would be a biker badass if you only had the badassness to do it.

faux tattoo men's

 

 

faux tattoo women's

 

You can also proclaim your devotion to your favorite sports teams while protecting your scalp from sunburn with a Flair Hair Visor.

Yup, this is a real thing.
Yup, this is a real thing.

The “realistic spikes” of “faux polyester hair” come in a variety of colors.

If your style isn’t so hardcore, you can get really big t-shirts proclaiming your…um…forbidden tastes.

I weep for humanity.
I weep for humanity.

If you can’t stand to put yourself in something ridiculous but have no such compunctions about your dog, try these chew toys.

lips

 

 

tongue

 

'stache

 

No trip into the SkyMall catalog would be complete without some really creepy yard statues. I offer you, from Toscano, “Catch of the Day,”

This might freak out your neighbors.
This might freak out your neighbors.

“Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti,”

Guaranteed to make your in-laws wonder about you.

and “The Zombie of Montclaire Moors.”

Guaranteed to freak out your kids.
Guaranteed to freak out your kids.

Finally, for those of us who don’t like yucky things, we can live out our Star Trek fantasies with the Nano-UV, “the most powerful disinfection scanner on the market.”

anti-germ wand in the kitchen

Wave it over your hotel bed and your food to “protect yourself and your loved ones from harmful microorganisms.”

anti-germ wand in the hotel room

No, really. Do it. Do it now.

And if you just can’t stand cleaning up after your cat — and yet firmly insist on bringing a cat into your home anyway — there’s this.

cat potty training

The Litter Kwitter 3-Step Cat Toilet Training System. Because potty training a kid just isn’t fun, exciting, or challenging enough.

Be well, everyone. Safe travels.

Fashion Friday 6/28/13

This week’s Fashion Friday post comes to us from guest blogger Casey Fleming. Casey is a friend and colleague of mine and an excellent writer. She also routinely comes to work wearing some of the most adorable and benign-envy-prompting outfits I’ve ever seen. Her post is also available on her blog, (Non)Secular Girl. Check it out; you’ll be glad you did.

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from the 1948 film "The Red Shoes"
from the 1948 film “The Red Shoes”

When I was in seventh grade, Charlie Chavez asked me to be his date to the homecoming dance.  We attended T.H. Rogers, a public school in Houston for “gifted and talented” kids, all bused in from neighborhoods as diverse and far away from each other geographically and culturally as Denver Harbor, Bellaire, and Third Ward.  Charlie lived in Sharpstown.  His single mother arrived with him to pick me up from my aunt’s townhouse on the Southwest side the night of the dance. Continue reading “Fashion Friday 6/28/13”

Fashion Friday 6/7/13

This week we have a post from guest blogger Laine over at you do doodle too.

It’s prom season, and she’s posted about making her adolescent daughter a TARDIS DRESS.  Yes, you read that correctly, Dr. Who fans, it’s a sneaky-just-for-those-of-us-in-the-know dress perfect for dancing.

Here are some of the raw ingredients.  More pictures can be found on Laine's post.
Here are some of the raw ingredients. More pictures can be found on Laine’s post.

Here’s the link to her post.  And while you’re there, of course, check out the rest of her blog.  She’s also a dedicated rêveuse and generally creative fabulosa.

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If you’d like to contribute a guest post for our Fashion Friday series, please check out some of our other installments and email me your idea at forest.of.diamonds@gmail.com with “FASHION FRIDAY PROPOSAL” in the subject line.  Thanks!

May Rêveuses in Bloom

Here are today’s 13th-of-the-month pictures, taken (as always) on my phone, so you know the photo quality is awesome.  (It occurs to me that I should perhaps carry around my actual camera on the 13th of every month, but then I wouldn’t have the excuse of a pitiful device to blame for my inept photography skills.)

Enjoy! Continue reading “May Rêveuses in Bloom”

Fashion Friday 5/10/13

This week’s Fashion Friday post comes to us from guest blog contributor Dana.  Thank you, Dana!

I’ll be posting more content myself next week — as well as more on the Book Spine Poetry Contest — as soon as I finish catching up from DFWCon, the writers’ conference I went to a week ago.  (Oh yeah, and as soon as I get a handle on this insane stack of papers to grade.  Ah, the end of the semester is upon us…  Or, if you’re a Game of Thrones fan, SUMMER IS COMING.  Thank you, dear readers, for your patience during this trying time each year.)

Another reminder:  Monday is the 13th of the month, so all you rêveurs and rêveuses, reveal yourselves!

Now on to Dana’s wonderful post…

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Hi, everybody. When Angélique asked if I would do a Fashion Friday guest post, I thought, Sure, I can do that. I’ve been pondering what to write, and it’s changed several times. What I’ve finally settled on is this: I love fashion and I love girly stuff, especially jewelry. I always check all of the red carpet photo galleries and rarely miss a “What Were They Thinking?” fashion post.  But for me, on a day-to-day basis, being a girl is more fun in theory than in practice.

The subject came up regarding Angélique’s fashionable and fabulous hats. When she mentioned the first hat making party, it brought back some fun memories. I still have the hat I made at that party. I still think it’s rather lovely.

There are flowers and lace and more flowers and pearls and silk and a lovely long scarf hanging down the back. This is the first hat I ever made.
There are flowers and lace and more flowers and pearls and silk and a lovely long scarf hanging down the back. This is the first hat I ever made.

I’ve also never worn it. Partially because it’s too big and partially because, well, it’s a lot of work to get dressed up fancy enough for it. (And I’ve yet to go to Tea in a season for which it’s appropriate.) I think it’s a lovely hat but when it comes down to it, it’s just a little too frou-frou for me now. At the time, probably not so much. Back then I wore make-up regularly and bought more stylish clothes and worked hard to keep up a certain appearance.

These days comfort is more important. This was true even before my darling daughter was born.

This will end up being the most girly thing I ever make in my life. Cute, isn't she?
This will end up being the most girly thing I ever make in my life. Cute, isn’t she?

On a day-to-day basis, I’d rather wear Birkenstocks than Blahniks, jeans or shorts instead of fancy skirts or trousers, and cotton over linen and silk. And you know what? That’s totally okay. At 41 I can admit that I love fashion and fancy, girly stuff but feel no need to wear it. I’m finally comfortable enough in my own skin to wear what feels good and not worry what people think.

And I think confidence is the best accessory of all.

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Would you like to be a guest blogger for Fashion Fridays?  Check out the main FF page; guidelines for how to submit are listed there.